Wednesday 15 June 2011

Guest Post: Anne Ostman -Linden Flowers to Helena


Helena,
The Linden trees are blooming. Their sweet but not heavy smell lies over Clapham Common and somehow it reminds me of you. On my early morning walks up there I have had my alone time with you. 

You know how I have talked to you and sometimes asked you for advice and in the wind your presence has been so real. I’m going to miss my walks up there with you, meeting all the kids on their way to school and watching the dogs chasing each other over the wide open field.

It is time for us to leave the house; it is time for me to leave London. On Friday it is a year since you left us. Or did you really? Because somehow that feeling that I was so scared of losing is still there, you are with us my darling, but not in the way we had wanted it to be. We should have lived in this nice house all together. It did not happen that way, everything turned out the way nobody wanted it to. 

But we have had a nice time here at 17 Parma Crescent. Your friends have been taking good care of us and we sometimes of them. We have passed your old place on our way in to Sloan Square and it is as if we have followed in your foot steps here, lived your London life.

On Friday we are going down to Rye. We think it is a nice thing to do; go for a quiet walk around the lovely little city as we used to walk around with you. Visit the little antique shop even though we are not going to buy anything (we have too many things as it is). We will have lunch at the little pub and hopefully we can get a taxi to take us out to Great Knell Farm.

You liked it there, with the baby lambs and the horses. We all liked it there, but it was cold. I could have stayed there for ever, I wanted life to stop there, stop as it was, all of us together and you smiling over the strawberry cake and bubbly on my birthday. 

So darling this is it from London, next time I will be at Gotland and I will have been able to visit your grave. I have not seen the head stone and I have not planted that rose yet. I will, and you know I will make sure to pick one that smells as nice as the Linden flowers at Clapham Common.

I will for always love you and your sisters, you are all three of you so very special, not only to me but to so many people, and I will for ever be grateful for having had the opportunity to share my life with you.
With all my love and a big thank you to the three of you,
Anne

Helena and Anne at Borough Market, London
Annika, Anne and Helena at the Tate Modern
Helena and Anne at a restaurant in London
Cecilia and Helena on a London bus on their way to her farewell party

2 comments:

  1. Helena, your darling family continue to amaze me. You must be so proud of them, although I am sure not surprised at the strength that they have all shown in the last 12 months. It only echoes the strength that you also showed while you were with us. I can see how each of the women have taken a part of you and shaped it in to who they are, it was probably always there but without you with them it has become so much more apparent. You will be within them all forever, shaping their decisions and giving advice at every junction in their lives. Today we are going to look at wedding dresses for Annika and I know that your eye for detail and glamour will be helping to shape her decision, in much the way that it is on Cecilia's blog. Your family miss you, as do we all, but you know that you are loved and that the love you shared is still felt every day.

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  2. A very moving post Anne, very beautiful.
    Helena has been on my mind a lot this year. I have thought of her more than ever and tonight I will make sure to smell the roses in the garden for her.

    I hope your day in Rye will be beautiful.

    x x Johanna

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